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Another great step to being Social!! Shut your Mouth, and open your Ears??

Another great step to being Social!! Shut your Mouth, and open your Ears??

Being “Social” and getting into a conversation is quite simple. Turning this conversation into a long term relationship requires a bit more time and care.

I’m sure we all have gotten into some great conversations with people on twitter, facebook, skype, and the te chat rooms, to only have it degrade to the person is only talking about their stuff. They turn into the “expert” and claim anyone differing with them is just plain mistaken 🙂

Come on you know what I’m talking about, we all have seen or been on the receiving end of this.

Finding those that are truly looking for a valuable exchange of ideas and a real conversation have one innate ability that is easy to spot. They actually will stop talking and let the other person speak. And will also delve further into the conversation by asking questions to the other person.

So let’s turn this on it’s head. If your wanting to be seen as a person who is open to many views, looking to have meaningful exchanges, and perhaps learn something than developing the ability to listen is of primary importance. There is a certain bit of bravado built into the type of business we do, but that’s the challenge is to keep that in check. A fine balancing act for some 🙂

I mean I could point you to so many people that have huge “lists” or a ton of followers on said social networking site, but don’t engage them. And they most certainly listen or respond to what these people are trying to convey to them. Now this doesn’t mean you have to get into a long drawn out exchange with everyone you have contact with. It’s easy to filter alot of the people who are wasting your time with crap. Just by what they are saying, or the manner in which they are doing it. Now if they pass the first test, the second easy test is wait for their response. If it doesn’t come there way too “smart” to take time to communicate with us lesser beings, or it’s just automated crap.

So once you have started a meaningful exchange, take a bit of time before you throw your stuff in their face. Now this even includes your opinion. Give them some time to “sell” ya on what their bringing to your attention. Perhaps what they are saying does have value, or you may even discover you alot of things in common. Once they are done, than you can start asking questions and do further follow up. And as you do this, you might even have to find a place to drop your stuff on them. Many will begin to probe you for your thoughts and become inquisitive about you naturally from this sort of conversation.

A easy example many guys can identify with is let the woman talk about herself before you try to dazzle them with your “greatness” And if your a guy and don’t know what the hell I’m talking about, I feel for ya brother 🙂

In the right situation the best way to get noticed, is to try not to be noticed. So many people online try the “Hey pay attention to me” approach. Reminds me of the people in school that were always trying to be the teacher’s pet, or the self appointed class clown. The pet was annoying, especially to the teacher, and the comedian was never as funny as they themselves thought they were.

Believe me I know it’s hard, especially in this medium. But just breathe and let the other person talk a bit, it might surprise you on the results you see from doing this.

I’ll just end on a few thoughts.

Beware the quiet one’s

“And ’tis remarkable that they talk most who have the least to say”

-Matthew Prior

And on that I’ll listen, and see what you have to say.

Presley Mitchell

Tattoo Revised 3

5 responses to “Another great step to being Social!! Shut your Mouth, and open your Ears??”

  1. Birdie Hurt says:

    I can relate to this, but only from the outside looking in. I went to a summer camp a few years ago, where a church counsellor was giving daily lectures to the “youth” (don’t assume anything, I was older than all of them) about how to be a good crisis or religious counsellor to peers. One of the topics he brought up was exactly this, how to listen more and talk less. Through the whole talk I was groaning inside because none of it applied to me. When the question section came up at the end, I thought I would throw a wrench into the discussion and see what they would think of having the opposite problem… I pointed out how I tend to listen too much and often miss the opportunity to present my point of view, because I don’t jump in when I should and then the conversation will have changed. Wow, food for thought, there really does exist a species of human who is not always begging for the spotlight and actually listens while people talk instead of formulating a response to what they are saying. Is my point of view, and the problem of not talking enough, really so rare? Apparently so- almost all the PMA and personal business improvement books and lectures instruct on talking less and listening more. I have had to work hard on throwing my opinions into the ring and siezing opportunities to speak.

    Another assumption I want to shut down before it occurs, about myself… I seem much more social than I am by nature. I grew up too shy to even speak to cashiers or make new friends on my own. Somewhere along the line I said “no more” and learned to put on a “friendly mask”. I knew it was working when I would mention to acquiantences how shy I am, and they would say no you’re not, you’re very outgoing. Ha ha on them. And it is so much easier online, and with text, I am in my happy place taking my time to formulate responses with typing and checking my grammar and spelling… Squee…

    Okay, I’ve definitely babbled on more than I intended, and all about myself, who’d a thunk? Thank you for this article Presley, very stimulating subject. Anyone have advice for my 2% problem, or are you 2%-er yourself?

  2. Hey Birdie,

    For one yes a lecture is a great way to see how this can work. Thing about lectures, there usually easier to walk away from than some conversations, lol.

    That being said I sure can see the other side. Growing up had some of the same issues. Get’s easier the more you take a few chances. One you find it’s not that bad, and you start getting a thicker skin as well. No matter what you do there is always going to be someone you don’t get along with, or rub the wrong way. Just one of those things. You just come to realize there are some naturally negative people in the world.

    I’m so glad you have learned to come out of your “shell” As you said never would of realized it, and it’s great to see ya posting and commenting here.

  3. soph142 says:

    Not sure where this competition is going! Found some brill owners, but naff ones too. So we all learning where not to advertise!!!

    • Birdie Hurt says:

      Thank you for widening my vocabulary, Elizabeth. I Googled “naff” first because I was pretty sure that “brill” was short for brilliant, which I know the British use for the US “cool” or “awesome” (and I was correct on that). Not that I’m going to use these words myself, but I have many friends from the British isles, and I like to be aware of the lingo. Cheers!

  4. Indeed on both counts Birdie and Elizabeth : )

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